OBGYN Sets New Rules for Bike Day 2003

Welcome again to the Isle of Bainbridge Bike Day. The premier old bike event in the Pacific Northwest put on by your favorite organization, the Old Bike Guys and Young Novices.

Due to the influx of undesirable elements, promoted, we are sure, by organizations and groups who do not share our philosophy of motorcycle purity we have established a few guidelines to ensure that everyone who attends, will have a great time and not have to mix with these negative influences making the event one of joy and happiness and not one of oppression and negativity.

Rule #1. At the ferry dock, be prepared to show documentation proving your motorcycle is at least thirty years old, and that it is not of any but Western or Eastern European or American manufacture. Also excluded are any and all Royal Enfields not manufactured in Great Britain.

Let's all participate and keep the riffraff out.

Rule #2. Be prepared at the sign-in area in downtown Bainbridge to present historical records of your lineage dating back at least two generations.

These records will be recorded and verified by our staff that are easily recognized by an armband with our newest logo which you will find colorful and interesting. We hope also that our Hayden Lake Chapter will be able to lend us their new DNA sampler for 2003. This sounds like a lot of fun, and remember there are no secrets between friends. We are your friends.

Rule #3. Since this is a motorcycle event no females except as passengers will be allowed. You know how much trouble women are. It is also requested that if you must bring females that they dress in a moderate fashion and keep silent as it befits their station. We believe that it's still a man's world and we know you do too. This of course includes female children. If we find that these young persons cannot control themselves, we have established a special "Play Area" staffed by our friendly marshals who instruct and guide them to proper behavior. What a great idea. We know you agree. We are your friends.

Rule #4. Colorful costumes will not be permitted this year as basic black leather is the tried, true and official color of choice of the real vintage fans of the civilized world. Do you want to look like a tropical frog or do you want to look like a real man?

Rule #5. Any person having questionable documentation will be directed to an alternate sign-in site and after paying a small surcharge will be allowed to participate in a fun event we are calling our "Special Treatment Bonus." Just look for the sign that says "Work Will Make You Free." Part of this surcharge goes for a unique and special reusable patch that will set you apart. Please ask for the patch when you check in your gear.

Rule #6. There will be no burnouts allowed in the camping area this year. There will be no wheelies, stoppies or breaking traction on rear wheels. The speed limit this year will be 30 miles an hour.

Also, no loud noises, no music except for the CDs and Cassette Tapes that will be available at the sign in area. Curfew will be enforced beginning at 9:30 PM, and you must remain in the camping area after 5:00 PM. Bathroom passes will be issued by the friendly marshal on a first come first served basis .

Rule #7. Crash helmets must be worn at all times, even while sleeping and on trips to the restrooms. This is for your own safety and for identification purposes. We would prefer that they be all black but of course since this is a fun event, it is optional. Sunglasses are also prohibited and you know the reasons for that.

Rule #8. Our friendly marshals will circulate on a 24 hour basis and require you sign our database forms that are easily identified by the words "I am having fun." Please have your Social Security Card and your official papers ready at all times. The friendly marshals are your friends.

Rule #9. All officials including any dues paying member of the club, its officers and designated marshals have leave to establish rules and regulations on an ad hoc basis. Please observe all rules.

Rule #10. If you are not having the time of your life, you will be escorted by our friendly marshals to the ferry dock.

We will provide separate drinking fountains for those who choose to use our new sanitary service.

We will increase the number of Marshals to approximately 300 in the interest of your riding safety. Due to reports of increases in population of small animals on the island, the friendly marshals will be armed with semiautomatic weapons, should your safety come into question.

Included on our list will be domestic dogs and cats which we consider potentially dangerous to riders. We ask that you follow all instructions given by the friendly marshals.

Although open fires are not permitted in the camping area due to fire regulations, Saturday evening we will have a giant bonfire and rally with singing and interesting guest speakers that we know you'll enjoy. Ceremonies will begin at 7:00PM beginning with a torchlight parade and a meaningful address by our leader. Be sure to pick up the sheet containing the lyrics to the club song.

We have revised the Concourse this year for a new streamlined look, by deleting several classes that did not qualify under our new and what we hope are fun rules. Come and see what real motorcycles look like. All Concourse entrants will receive a special club cap with "XYZ Its Not For Me," printed on it.

Use of any tobacco product is strictly prohibited this year and you can understand why. We are building a new image for ourselves and for you, our brothers.

Many of you are aware of our famous ten percent discount on goods and services with your membership We will offer on a first come first served basis a 50% discount on what we hope will become a trademark haircut for all participants and members. Its short and neat and will make you stand out.

We will also restrict entrance to U.S. Citizens only. Persons from foreign countries need not apply. This includes persons from The Socialist State of Canada. We will be monitoring for funny accents. Foreign Devils should stay away. Most of them can't ride anyway.

This is not a race or a reliability run, so for safety's sake and in reverence for vintage machines we have shortened the course from the long and tiresome thirty five miles, to a more comfortable and acceptable course of four times around the block in Downtown Bainbridge. Please feel free to stop at any time to patronize the friendly, local merchants. Please, keep any transactions on a cash basis. No credit or debit cards or personal checks will be accepted and sorry, no refunds.

We have decided not to utilize the Poker Run this year. Increasing costs of subsidizing the event and the loss of revenue incurred in cash payouts, forces us to cancel this minor part of the run. We are attempting to save your hard earned money and ours to send all club officers to the Isle of Man TT as a just reward for their efforts on your behalf. We have also found that poker hands and rules are much too complex and difficult to grasp. We say good riddance to this and know you will agree and hope that in time it will be forgotten.

You will notice that there are television cameras mounted in trees and on various buildings within our area. This is a great way for us to keep a historical record of this great event. Please make sure your license plate is clean for this neat new addition to this once a year event. A great man once said, "Those who do not know their history have probably never been on TV."

No need this year to bring food and beverages; Boy, that's a lot of trouble anyway. There's plenty of good wholesome American food downtown ,and remember all kickbacks from food services goes into the club treasury for some great benefits that you will see later. Speaking of food, we'll be serving our famous Saturday night TT feed. Hotdogs? Chili? Naw.. This year we have found a source for some really exciting eats. If you like vintage bikes you'll like our vintage food. We have found a warehouse full of WWII C rations. Take a trip back in history and relive those vintage days when we came, we saw and we kicked some butt!

So welcome again to The Isle of Bainbridge TT, The Premiere Old Bike Event in The Great Pacific Northwest.

You must be wondering how we can do all this and have fun at the same time. The next question has to be, how much is all this going to cost? The entire weekend package excluding: Tshirts, Pins, Food, restroom passes, CDs and tapes, campsite rental, road tax, occupation tax, fuel use surcharge, labor surcharge, city tax, county tax, state and federal tax, motorcycle permits, and handling charges, ferry motorcycle surcharge, passenger tax, and non-refundable damage deposit is a low low special price of just, and we know this is hard to believe an astounding $129.95 plus tax.

If you can't make it for the whole weekend and just want to come on Sunday, we are offering the same package for the same low, low price. We know that's hard to believe but what the heck, its your club too.

So Welcome again to the annual Isle of Bainbridge Bike Day.

This event is for members only. For actual date and time information visit the OBGYN website

Faithfully submitted by OBGYN Press Secretary, Lightening, APR 31, 2003